January 2010
70 posts
“Some things are hard to write about. After something happens to you, you go to...”
– Sylvia Plath
The day I gave up on you, the day you pushed me towards him… was the day I forgot your name.
If only I remembered…
“Why can’t we get all the people together in the world that we really like...”
– Charles M. Schulz
FEAR.
Fear. Terror. That knot in your throat at the first sign of horror. The lurch in your uneasy stomach when you realize what you’ve dreaded has become a reality.
However, my fear does not control me; I control my fear. My fear does not engulf me, does not paralize me… my fear strengthens me, motivates me to destroy it.
I do not care to conceal my wounds, no matter how unsightly they...
“Strange how a single conversation can change you. Or maybe it only seems that...”
– Barack Obama
Night.
There is a beauty in the stillness and silence of the night, that the day will forever be jealous of…
“Time and time again, I play the role of fool just for you.”
– Adele
“I want you to know that I feel bad for not making our dreams come true. We had...”
– Liz Phair
Sad is expecting absolutely nothing from you, but still giving you the benefit of the doubt… The odd sensation of doubting feelings I was once so sure of. The realization of uncertainty. I guess, in a way we both got used to not missing each other.
You’re my favorite thing from my past. I guess tomorrow we’ll find out if you’re still a part of my present.
“Give me one more chance to prove myself to you, all the little things that I...”
– Taking Back Sunday
Fight For Me.
I want you to fight for me. I’m not asking you to die for me, Not asking you to go to war for me, All I’m asking is for you to fight for me. Let me see a struggle, At the very least an effort. Reassure me that I’m worth it; That losing me is unthinkable. Playing hard-to-get, Is not a thing of mine. But if it’ll make you notice, Then call me unattainable. I’m...
“I thank whatever gods may be for my unconquerable soul.”
– William Ernest Henley
Dream.
Have you ever dreamt something so completely extraordinary that you knew it was a dream just as it was happening? Have you ever had this dream come true? You were that dream…
“Everything about us had an innocence, but everything around us was changing.”
– Liz Phair
From rage comes progress.
Use your rage for something beneficial. Don’t scream, for there is courage in silence. Don’t hate, for this simply means you still love. Rather, there are some things you must find solace in: You have been called weak, prove your strength. You have been called foolish, prove your intelligence. You have been called insecure, prove your confidence. But prove it yourselve and no one else,...
“It’s so hard to have someone to love, and keeping it quiet is hard because you...”
– Brand New
“The way that it felt when the most I could do was to just blame myself”
– Taking Back Sunday
I Miss...
The innocence of childhood; the amazement with which I used to see and discover the world around me, before everything became so jaded. The simplicity of my early teenage years, when I overcomplicated things in my mind.
“You’re my lost and found.”
– Taking Back Sunday
Hope. A glimmer of sparkling hope; almost imperceivable.
Hope followed by giddiness. A giddiness I hadn’t felt in more than a year; it brings me back to an age of innocence I thought I had long forgotten. An elevated state of elation that dissipates the sadness and anxiety of the surrounding thunderstorm.
Hope, sparkling hope. Joy, pure joy. Then, a haunting feeling: the sheer, bare terror...
“Strange as it may seem, I still hope for the best. Even though the best, like an...”
– Lemony Snicket, “The Beatrice Letters”
My Ghosts
So beautiful, So charming, So unnafected, Yet how you disarm me.
My first… The ghost of rising hopes. So innocent, so not to blame. My friendly, puppy love ghost.
My first… The ghost of mistakes past and present. So foolish, so charming, so childlike… My ghost of lost childhood.
My first… My ghost of first sorrow. So pure, so true… so pained. My scariest, most...
“All this pressure… maybe this means I’m gonna be a diamond.”
– Katy Perry
Rainy Day
It was a cold day like this, Your eyes matched the grayish sky… Your smile was missed sorely by the corners of your lips, I lunged head first into your arms, But like a shadow you escaped me.
Where did the sunshine go? And when did your smile fade It’s been almost a year, And sometimes I still forget how to not miss you.
I miss you; every morning, every night. I still need you; every...
“Live up to your first impression.”
– Taking Back Sunday
A Flashback of Anger
“God have mercy on the man who doubts what he’s sure of.” – Bruce Springsteen.
How many times have I not been absolutely 100% certain of how something went down, and as soon as someone says differently, I immediately start doubting it. The examples are endless: Him claiming that I was a terrible girlfriend, I was possessive, jealous, obsessive, too focused on sex. Hearing my ex-boyfriend’s...
“When so many are lonely as seem to be lonely, it would be inexcusably selfish to...”
– Tennessee Williams
Travis: Re-Offender
Collateral Damage
I ran into a very interesting quote last night as I was reading Prozac Nation by Elizabeth Wurtzel. In it, she wrote “What makes you think that I’m so rich you can steal my heart and it won’t mean a thing.” I’ve always loved reading and quoting other people, because sometimes another’s words express the unwordable.
I sat in bed re-reading this statement. All of my life I’ve been told by men I...
“There in his arms she became someone else. Someone more like herself…”
– Original Sin
